EVERY RIDE IS OPERATED BY HAND

There's no button that says RUN RIDE. You walk into the booth, grab the lever, and push it. Faster is more fun. Faster is also how Greg ends up in the parking lot. Somewhere between those two is where you want the lever. Good luck.

YOUR CUSTOMERS ARE LUGGAGE

They show up at the gate and then they just stand there. So you pick them up. You carry them. When the line gets long you throw them into the seat. You close the restraints. Or you don't, and then you see what happens on turn three.

FIVE RIDES (FOR NOW). FIVE WAYS TO RUIN A DAY OUT.

• Carousel. Nice, easy, fine. Right up until you run it too fast and it starts flinging kids off.

• Drop Tower. Take them up, wait, drop them. Hit the brake at the bottom. Or don't.

• Roller Coaster. Launch speed, station brake, restraints. Pick two.

• Ferris Wheel. The quiet one. The doors open outward. Think about that for a second.

• Bumper Cars. Throw the power lever and let them work it out.

HIT THE QUOTA OR RUN IT BACK

Every day the park wants more money than it wanted yesterday. Hit the number and tomorrow gets bigger. Miss it and the run's done, which is fine, because the run was forty minutes and it was very funny. Between runs you spend the shared money on upgrades and new rides, then go again.

ONE WALLET. FOUR IDIOTS.

One bank account, and all of you can reach every control. Your friend can grab your lever while the ride is going. You can grab theirs. You can also pick your friend up and throw him, which is not a feature we're proud of, but it is a feature. And yes, you can strap yourselves into anything you can strap a customer into.

NO BUILDING. NO SPREADSHEETS.

This isn't a tycoon game. You don't build the park, you don't set ticket prices, you don't hire anyone. You are the staff. The staff is barely holding it together.

ALSO PLAYABLE ALONE

Ummm. yes.