A SURVIVORS-LIKE PLAYED AS A FOOTBALL MATCH

Every kick is automatic: you choose where to stand, when to slide tackle and what your boot becomes.

SCORE REAL GOALS

Goal windows open throughout the match, complete with a goalmouth and a keeper determined to ruin your day. Reach the shooting lane and your strike becomes a shot on goal: every goal detonates the pitch in ragdolls, banks wages and deals a bonus draft of rare upgrades.

BUILD YOUR BOOT INTO ARTILLERY

Six boot types, 14 ball mods, 24 tactics and specialist extra balls stack into 43 named evolutions: the screen-length Thunderbastard, a second orbit with Rabona, every ricochet chained into another hop with Pinball Wizard. Three times a match, a Superstition changes a rule instead of a number, and the run kicks off.

RECRUIT A TEAM THAT FIGHTS BESIDE YOU

Sixteen teammates jog on mid-match and grow as you level them. Kev turns a returning ball into a wall pass, Baz tackles the densest crowd, Super Sub Sid flattens everything in his lane, and pairing the right two evolves the squad itself.

THE OPPOSITION PLAYS DIRTY

• A referee shadows you; let him keep up and he books part of your build.
  
• A VAR drone circles you, putting your tactics under review: inside its circle, none of them apply.
  
• A ball boy raids any pile of stickers you leave lying about, bags it and bolts. One clean hit bursts the bag.
  
• A charging mascot and a ride-on mower are dangerous to both teams.
  
• A loose dog crosses the pitch. It is not interested in the score.
  
• A bus literally parks in front of the goal, unloads 16 defenders and dares you to wreck it.

EIGHT GROUNDS. EIGHT FINAL BOSSES.

• Mud, snow, a windy beach, a neon cage, a drained lido, an open moor, cherry blossom and a cathedral built for trophy night.
  
• Half-time brings the oranges and one of 15 Team Talks; stoppage time brings the boss.
  
• Extra Time mode: a fresh boss every five minutes, and death is the only full time.
  
• Between matches, grow the club: 19 strikers, a 105-rank training board, an 87-sticker album and seven players the official squad list does not admit exist.

The boss comes on at 20:00. Build accordingly.