Ass Slapper Co. is a ridiculous desktop companion incremental game where typing and well-timed slaps generate Employee Fulfillment. Keep Hugh beside your desktop, grow the company, unlock customization, and turn questionable workplace motivation into serious corporate progress.
ABOUT THIS GAME
Hello, potential employee and/or committed Steam storefront researcher.
I’m Johan Slapper, founder and CEO of Ass Slapper Co.
If you are reading this, then one of two things has happened: you are considering employment with my company, or you have scrolled considerably farther down this Steam page than most people do.
Either way, I respect the commitment.
Allow me to explain the position.
Ass Slapper Co. is a desktop companion and incremental game where your real-world typing generates Employee Fulfillment. Work alongside Hugh Jhas, customize him and his office, interact with him directly, unlock company systems, receive corporate messages, and earn promotions as you progress through the company.
In simpler terms:
Clock in. Type away. Generate Fulfillment. Improve workplace morale.
Your keyboard is part of the game.
Work. Study. Write. Send emails. Browse the internet. Communicate with friends. Be productive. Or convincingly resemble productivity until the distinction becomes legally difficult to prove.
Every keystroke generates Employee Fulfillment automatically.
It all counts.
And when typing alone does not produce sufficient workplace morale?
You may slap Hugh.
We have worked closely with HR and invested considerably in making this interaction feel “appropriate.”
WORK ALONGSIDE HUGH
Hugh Jhas is one of our most dependable employees.
He can remain on your desktop while you use your computer normally, allowing Ass Slapper Co. to progress alongside whatever else you are doing.
You do not need to stare at Hugh.
He is a professional.
Choose between two ways to keep him nearby:
Office Mode gives you Hugh’s complete workplace, including his office, furniture, company computer, applications, and other infrastructure I consider necessary for one employee to sit approximately three feet from a desk.
Minimal Mode removes the office and keeps only Hugh on your desktop, leaving more room for your other applications.
I’m told this is useful when screen space is “limited.”
My first solution involved purchasing an additional monitor for every employee. Finance described this as “not a financially sound decision,” adding that “not everyone has space for a second monitor.”
I reminded them that arguing with the person signing the checks is rarely financially sound either.
I then proposed larger desks for everyone.
The discussion remains active.
TYPE TO GENERATE EMPLOYEE FULFILLMENT
As you type anywhere on your computer, Employee Fulfillment increases and your progression continues in the background.
You can work, study, chat, browse, or otherwise use your computer normally while Hugh works alongside you.
I have always believed that effort should result in something visible.
Most companies apparently prefer annual reviews.
I found that unnecessarily suspenseful.
So we made the number go up immediately.
SLAP YOUR WAY TO ADDITIONAL FULFILLMENT
Check on Hugh whenever you like and provide some less conventional hands-on encouragement.
Slapping Hugh generates additional Employee Fulfillment.
Engineering informs me that each interaction is supported by responsive animation, deformation, physics, shaders, and sound effects.
They were very pleased while explaining this.
I understood several of the words.
A surprising amount of technical work went into ensuring it feels right.
I reviewed the budget.
I approved it.
Employees deserve quality.
SPEND FULFILLMENT AND IMPROVE THE WORKPLACE
Employee Fulfillment is not merely a number.
It is both your progression and your currency.
Generate it.
Watch it accumulate.
Spend it on new options for Hugh and his workplace.
Improve the office, unlock customization, and gain access to additional company systems as your position within Ass Slapper Co. develops.
Progress persists between sessions because I refuse to operate a company where everyone forgets what happened when they went home.
That would be administratively exhausting.
CUSTOMIZE HUGH AND HIS OFFICE
Use your progress to give Hugh and his workplace the professional presentation they deserve.
Unlock new cosmetics.
Change Hugh’s appearance.
Customize the office.
Experiment with combinations.
Make questionable aesthetic decisions with complete managerial confidence.
Employee morale is important.
Fashion isn't required, but it is mandatory.
RECEIVE COMPANY MESSAGES AND ADVANCE THE STORY
As your Employee Fulfillment grows, your position within Ass Slapper Co. changes with it.
New messages arrive.
New responsibilities emerge.
New company systems become relevant.
Departments including HR, Facilities, Finance, and others may contact you through our state-of-the-art opt-in PA announcement system.
When a message is available, it waits for you.
Click the PA speaker when you are ready and the relevant department will deliver its announcement.
I am told “opt-in” is important.
Apparently people prefer announcements they have chosen to hear.
Sometimes the announcement will come from me personally.
Continue generating Fulfillment and eventually upper management may determine that your current position is no longer sufficient.
That is when things become interesting.
EARN PROMOTIONS
Progress far enough and you can be promoted to new positions within Ass Slapper Co.
Promotions advance your career, introduce new company content, and change the workplace around you.
I have never understood promotions where only the words beneath someone's name change.
If your position improves, something tangible should improve with it.
This philosophy has resulted in several unusual architectural decisions.
WHAT THE POSITION INCLUDES
Desktop companion gameplay designed to coexist with your other applications
Real-world typing generates Employee Fulfillment
Office Mode and Minimal Mode
Slap-based interaction that generates additional Fulfillment
Incremental progression that continues while you use your computer
Responsive physics, deformation, animation, shaders, and sound effects
Employee Fulfillment currency used to unlock and purchase content
Hugh customization
Office customization
Persistent progression between sessions
Company applications and systems that unlock as you advance
Opt-in PA announcements from Johan and other departments
An ongoing corporate narrative tied directly to your progression
Promotions that change your position and workplace
Hugh
I consider Hugh one of the assets included in your benefits package.
He has objected to this terminology.
REGARDING YOUR APPLICATION
There is no interview.
I dislike interviews.
You simply clock in.
Type.
Generate Fulfillment.
Improve the workplace.
Check on Hugh.
And, when appropriate, provide direct motivational assistance.
That is Ass Slapper Co.
Two cheeks. One mission.
Hugh has already prepared for your arrival.
Please do not make him wait unnecessarily.
— Johan Slapper
Founder & CEO
Ass Slapper Co.
Official site
On Steam
Details
