Welcome to your on-boarding for delivery person for [ insert company name ]. We here at [ insert company name ] appreciate you for entrusting us with your time. As you prepare to sign away your working rights to us for the next two-thirds of your life, we just want you to keep a few things in mind:

Feel like being a God? You can design your own systems to give you unfair advantages over your competition, or just make your time in this life is that much more appealing.

Build, improve, expand. Those are the steps required for galactic domination. 

• Start as a delivery person and work your way up the corporate ladder.

• Build improvements on each and every planet you manage. Subsidize corporations... take over all of their assets to increase your galactic control.

• Research and improve your technology to give you a foot up on the competition and control over your populations.

• Expand the company to acquire more -- no, acquire everything. They're just ants, they're allll just ants, and you... You are a kid with a magnifying glass.

Synergy is a made up word we can use to punish employees when they refuse to go above and beyond, give 110% inside and outside of work, or attempt to use that federally mandated PTO. You need to use it in every single one of your 15 stand up meetings per day. Remember, a defeated employee is a worried employee -- and a worried employee will try harder to save their job. Keep them overworked.

Aside from controlling what we can, we also need to commit acts of espionage to weaken the competition. Our only goal is complete and total dominance, no matter the human cost. No no no... Humans as in: our employees and the expendable castes... not ours.